My Bad Back
I was stressed, almost to a degree of anxiety. Then I suddenly got a backpain, not the usual one that I sometimes get, but a new one between my shoulders. First I wondered what I had done, lifting or something, but I could not think of any physical reason for my pain.
Being mindful is to accept ones conditions in life as a means for new insight. And with my backpain I realized that this was all about my stress. I had an intellectual understanding of the psychological component of backpain, but never had I ever experienced it so clearly as this time.
Well, I had got an opportunity for new insight, and I started meditating. Full of curiosity I started exploring what was happening, asking my self ‘what is this?’. I started experiencing mindfully. And then I experienced the stiffness in my muscular system, I experienced my heart pounding, and my pain sort of did not bother me.
I was not cured, even though the pain actually got better. But by observing what was happening, as an opportunity for new knowledge, I related to my symptoms in a much more relaxed way. And when I managed that, I became less stiff in my muscles, and, not surprisingly, my pain weakened. It came and went, but now I always see the connections. Both my pain and my heart became interesting in a new way.
Let me call it anxiety, it is only a concept anyway. My learning from this was that by accepting my conditions without reservations, and experiencing fully what is going on, I both get new insight, but also that my conditions actually feel less bothersome. My backpain turned into useful knowledge.