When Meditation Becomes Training
Mondays are difficult days for meditation, – for me. And the reason is simple; My mind is filled with planning of the day and the week. And that is also the case when I am stressed for other reasons. I focus, then loose focus, focus back, and loose the focus again. I must admit that loosing focus is not unusual when I meditate, but not to this extent.
Will this fact make me a “bad” meditator, failing in the most important aspect of mindfulness meditation?
First of all; It is not mindfulness to be judgmental. That fact itself should lead to the rejection of my own question. The question is not relevant at all, even though I must admit that the very thought may reach my mind when I sit there, kind of struggling with my concentration. In principle mindfulness meditation can’t fail in this sense.
The other fault of my judgment is that mindfulness meditation is about process, not about the result. When I get a this feeling of failure, that should also tell me that I cling to expectations regarding my meditation which also is a wrong attitude. I know, but I still sometimes get psychologically trapped.
My antidote is to remind me that meditation is about training, not about my success or my feeling. Focusing is a discipline like all other kinds of training. The doing is the matter, not the result in the short run. The flow of meditation will return, my tranquility will return, my ability to focus will return. Nothing is permanent, not even my unfocused mind. My mind change.
Besides, I have turned even my planning into mindfulness. If I can’t beat it, I just let my planning become the object of my focus. I experience that my planning in a meditation setting actually is very rewarding when i focus on it. And the strange thing is that when I focus on my planning, it helps me focus back on my breath. When I fight the planning, I get glued to what I try to avoid.
The flow of meditation gives me this sort of insight. To me meditation therefore becomes a travel in wonders, where I actually experience what I intellectually could have imagined. And even when I miss the flow, when meditation only becomes training, and I accept that fact instead of fighting it, my training becomes meditation. The circle is closed.