Because Zen makes sense

Archive for the tag “acceptance”

Distance Becomes Bonding

interconnectNow and then meditation becomes more of a contemplation. Today my focused sitting ran into thoughts of an earlier troublesome relationship. I was reminded of the whole story by a sms a few weeks ago. And during my “meidtation” this morning I (at east I think so) experienced clarifyingthoughts of some of the mechanisms that keep “dead” relations “alive”.

  • Trying to create distance actually strengthens bonding.
  • Hatred strengthens self-hatred.
  • Hurting the other is hurting oneself.
  • Blaming the other increase negative self-talk about oneself.
  • Attempts to avoid thoughts make the thoughts sticky.
  • Fighting the other is a self-destructive mechanism.
  • Attempts to extinguish a deprivation make the losses more profound.

Being interconnected with all beings, the ones we we would prefer not being connected with, have huge implications for behaviour. It is impossible to bring negative energy into the field of connectedness without oneself being influenced in a negative way. It’s like a boomerang. Bringing positive energy into the field of broken relations creates the space that enables us to really let go of what’s hurting us. To accept the paradoxes is the only way to solve them.

Illustration from “The Mind Unleashed”


My Bad Back

I was stressed, almost to a degree  of anxiety. Then I suddenly got a backpain, not the usual one that I sometimes get, but a new one between my shoulders. First I wondered what I had done, lifting or something, but I could not think of any physical reason for my pain.

Being mindful is to accept ones conditions in life as a means for new insight. And with my backpain I realized that this was all about my stress. I had an intellectual understanding of the psychological component of backpain, but never had I ever experienced it so clearly as this time.

Well, I had got an opportunity for new insight, and I started meditating. Full of curiosity I started exploring what was happening, asking my self ‘what is this?’. I started experiencing mindfully. And then I experienced the stiffness in my muscular system, I experienced my heart pounding, and my pain sort of did not bother me.

I was not cured, even though the pain actually got better. But by observing what was happening, as an  opportunity for new knowledge, I related to my symptoms in a much more relaxed way. And when I managed that, I became less stiff in my muscles, and, not surprisingly, my pain weakened. It came and went, but now I always see the connections.  Both my pain and my heart became interesting in a new way.

Let me call it anxiety, it is only a concept anyway. My learning from this was that by accepting my conditions without reservations, and experiencing fully what is going on, I both get new insight, but also that my conditions actually feel less bothersome. My backpain turned into useful knowledge.

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